Friday, July 25, 2008 ||
- you know what.
I swear that I'll never intentionally hurt anyone. And that I'll always take into consideration other people's feelings before I say or do anything fucked up ... I swear that I will always, always at least TRY to put myself in other peoples' shoes.
No. matter. what.
As much as I understand the whole "hurt someone before they hurt you" philosophy, and as much as I want - and almost need - to practice that sorta destructive thing ...
I still know that I don't have it in me to inflict this kind of pain I have faced, onto someone else. Even if I don't give two shits about that person, I still think that it's almost inhumane. What the fuck is wrong with some of you?? Are you cold-blooded? Are you heartless?
(this is directed at noone in particular)
I hurt and break easily, I'm so fragile, and I know it. I may be broken into a tiny million pieces several times, but you know what, I still choose to believe that I won't be the one who makes the blow, and causes the destruction of another person's heart.
Labels: emo
hello hello! Am in Penang now :) pigging out in my friend's condo while waiting for him to come back ...
a Vlog, while waiting for Veen to come over.
When Veen finally arrived, we messed around with my laptop's webcam a bit! Diana, Veen's gorgeous friend whom I haven't seen in months, came by to visit too!
I hadn't realized how much I miss Veen until I saw her. :)
HOLY shit hahaha. From left: Diana, Veen and Liz.
Veen is sad for being stuck between two fat trolls :/
pontianak(s)
And then we spent a couple of hours bitching about our lives / other people ... and exchanging dirty lil' secrets. :P Damn, I missed that girl, she's the most sarcastic and brutally honest person I know.
Naughty, too ... AHEM.
Anyway, like I said in the vlog, Jaclyn will be arriving soon! And we're planning to laze around the beach all day tomorrow ...
Ahhhhhh, bliss. :) I absolutely cannot wait.
McD lovin' again ...Ta! ;)
Wednesday, July 23, 2008 || Penang My Love
- me: "hey Mummy, I'll be going to Penang tomorrow, ok?"
mum: "Do you have money for the trip?"
me: "Uhh yeah, I do."
mum: "Good ... 'cos I'm not giving you any ... Go lah. "
HAHAHA my parents are so cool!
God I love Penang. It's my special place ...
with lotsa very nice memories that make me smile. :)
us at Penang, March 2007 :) back then we were all much more naive and easy-to-please ...
visiting Veen :) January 2008!
Penang again ... :) :) May 2008! Had lotsa FUN this trip, mannnnn.
Penang, early June ... =)I blogged a long post about this trip, which was very memorable, but I took down the post already. Wtf.
Penang, late June. Didn't blog about this trip 'cos it was ermmmm rather dramatic ... =(
Will be going to Penang for a couple of days again tomorrow. :)
SuetF, sorry I can't make it this friday! Next week we'll hang out ok! *oops*
Woaaa, I've just realized that this will be the fifth time I'll be in Penang this year. o_O
Labels: vacation
Monday, July 21, 2008 || A Few Things
- *updated*
Current Mood: Broke! =(Eh, my holidays are here, and I find that my routine is practically almost the same as usual college days. I think it's because college is just such a minuscule part of my life - I only go for classes,
Being an avid reader of blogs (... err, a few), I've read about the whole xiaxue-dawn yang fiasco and I watched all of Dawn Yang's videos on youtube! I cannot help but think that Dawn Yang's extremely cute, plastic surgery or not. And I like the way she speaks, very eloquent and somehow reeks of humility despite her being so dolled up to perfection.
I have two side projects / jobs lined up for me for the holidays, but am still lazing around. Heehee.
Might be going to Penang this week, after I've finished my work. :D *fingers crossed*
And then next week I might be going to Genting with a couple of friends! Really hope that everything goes well. :) :)
A few things I've learned in the past couple of days:
1) Christian Bale is the hottest guy on earth.
For some reason, Christian Bale kinda reminds me of Eric Bana, who is another one of my fave actors out there.
I lovedddd Christian Bale in The Prestige, but he was even more sexy in Batman! And Eric Bana was so hot as the King in The Other Boleyn Girl. *swoon*
Heath Ledger was ridiculously AMAZING. Almost every blog I've read has been glorifying his performance, but really, it was THAT good.
I definitely wanna watch the movie again. :D Who's up for it!
And one of the lines in the movie definitely speaks volumes to me: "Why SO SERIOUS?!" ... rawrr.
2) I find myself really missing some people. Sigh! I wish to post up pictures of them, along with stories ... maybe I will in a bit. :D *looks for pictures*
Veen and Mario, I hope to see you guys soon, okay? Though I know you guys are busy and all. =/
3) I've come to the realization that most things happen for a reason, and whatever happens, dealing with stuff in a more optimistic and realistic attitude really beats being all emotional and hurt. I wonder why it took me this long to realize this ...
Maybe I really am growing up.
4) I was having a serious conversation the other day regarding my future, and oh man, I really have NO idea what am I supposed to do!
Work? Continue studying?
And IF I want to study, where am I going to get enough money to pay the fees? And my living expenses? Where am I gonna study?
And IF I wanna work, do I work for my passion or work for money, for my family's sake? Where do I work? Stay here in KL, or go to Singapore?
Regardless, I was thinking of picking up an extra language for an added advantage. My dream is to master two other languages in my lifetime ... =D hopefully!
5) Am looking for a part-time job, coz I reckon that 3-4 months of purely studying is enough ... I think that I need to get out there again. In more ways than one. ;)
Another thing I've learned is that Jaclyn has a really gross porn collection, HAHAHA. Wtf, babe, what's with all the orgies!!!
Labels: Life
Friday, July 18, 2008 ||
- I've realized, in some way or other, that a certain sense of dissatisfaction has been gnawing at me, in an annoying manner that I can't quite shake off.
I mean, fuck it, I'm worth a lot more than how I usually choose to believe. I'm disappointed at how some people won't even bother trying for me, after how I've tried my best to fight for them, defend them and even ... love them. People aren't supposed to walk in and out of my lives as they please - as though I'm some kinda fucking 2-star hotel.
I miss the old me who would always love other people more than herself. I miss the old me who would love so whole-heartedly, with so much enthusiasm and naivety. I do miss her. But right now, if anyone fucks with me, I would not hesitate to erase their existences from my life.
If you're not going to appreciate me, hey, have fun watching the silhouette of my retreating back as I walk a thousand steps away from you - until you're nothing more than a tiny speck of dust in the background of my past.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 || Taken Back To a Place I Called Home
current mood: exhausted and defeated =(I'd almost forgotten how much I used to adore Starbucks' chocolate cream chip.
Until I got my free drink from Rodrick today. :D Studying/doing my work at Starbucks is always so fun. Though very distracting. :/
spot Jac and Rod posing in the background! hahaToday was Rod's last day working at Starbucks. My gawd, I probably won't ever see him again! Starbucks Pearl Point used to be my second home, and now it's filled with strangers and new baristas whose names I do not know ... :/
When we hugged each other goodbye ("woman, gonna miss you laaa!", we exclaimed to each other) ... I was brought back to just a couple of months ago when I quit my job as a part-time barista. On my last day of work, I hugged Rod goodbye and I was practically almost crying and he had to hand me tissue paper.
I did love the job a lot - not because of its pay 'coz its shitty pay, but because the experience was very fulfilling and challenging. :( But it was so exhausting to juggle work and studying. Plus, I had absolutely no social life and I felt so disconnected from my friends.
Just 3 months later and now it's Rod's turn to have his last-day-at-Starbucks. Life is just full of people coming and going, isn't it? :/
Rathna, a very nice ex-colleague of mine, also dropped by Starbucks to say goodbye to Rodrick. :) I haven't seen her in months, I remember how she always used to comfort me when I was going through a shitty time last year and was always moody at work.
"Eliza, it's been such a long time! Hey what happened to you? You look so much happier and less stressed out now!", she told me when she spotted me.
"I have less responsibilities now! Of course I'm not as stressed out as I used to be.", I eagerly told her. "Anyway, this year has been pretty good!"
"Is it because of him??", she grinned at me.
'What the ...', my mind raced.
"You know, the guy in your friendster! You were wearing a dress and you both looked so cute together!", she added, before I could say anything.
Then I realized that she was talking about the picture I took with Andrew at Grace's wedding.
"Eh no lah, we're friends.", I smiled. "Well it's been a crazy year so far but definitely very eventful."
And I'm right, for once! I loved (almost) every minute of 2008, though it did have its drama and emotional moments.
Will love my life even more when my bloody exams finally end tomorrow. :) :) I absolutely cannot wait.
(when the results come out I'm gonna just go drown myself in alcohol haih)
goodbye Rod =( I know we didn't exactly spend a lot of time together ever since I quit my job, and we barely see each other these days, but oddly enough, I'm still gonna miss you.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 || Exams, Pik-Niks and Other Things
hello world! My exams are officially here and I barely studied anything.
I'm gonna do sooooooo badly this time around. Everytime I say that, everyone won't believe me, 'cos I say that every exam and somehow end up with straight As. But this time is different! I'm just so OUT of it, I feel like giving myself a nice big kick in the ass for being so uninterested and indifferent. Bah!
Anyway, in times of such adversity, one must turn to "external factors" for happiness and comfort. :)
McD my love!!!
and oh yes, Mario came back from Phillipines last weekend and bought me my newfound happiness ...
PIKNIK!
The first time I ate this at his place, I was like YUMMMM. And lucky for me, he remembered that I like them.
These shoestring potatoes kinda look like the ones I buy from pasar malam all the time (3 for RM5, wtf) but they're definitely a lot yummier! Though you can't get it in Malaysia. *sigh*
But my dad finished half of it in ONE day. And now I have to hide it in my room, or I won't be able to eat any at all.
Goes to show that it really is yummy.
********
I spent the weekends with Mario and his friend's family, and oh-my-gosh his friend's daughter is the CUTEST kid ever. She's only two but extremely precocious and very smart!
(if this is an invasion of privacy tell me k I'll take the pic down T.T)
She often refers to herself in third person, SO CUTE.
I was showing her a pic of Jaclyn and I, and she points at me and goes, "That's youuu!"
Me: "Yup that's me! *points at Jac* And that's my friend!"
her: "No no no that's not your friend, that's ANNIE." (her name)
... *melts*
But what was really funny was how she sometimes called me "tita", which means aunty in tagalog. o__O Wow ... that's a first for me, 'cos I even forced my nephew to call me "sis" instead of "aunty" hehehe.
Talking to her reminded me of how much I miss my korean nephew! :( :( Who is also extremely smart and cute, I adore him. I absolutely HAVE to visit Singapore before the year ends, sigh.
I miss the days when I used to volunteer at kids camps and stuff. I used to carry pictures of those kids in my wallet. :(
I can't wait to be a mum someday! I'm gonna be a great mum.
(............ I think)
******
Sometimes I find myself looking at him, and I'm amazed at how beautiful I think he is. I think that it's his aura - his carelessness and carefree mannerisms, his everything. But I take a step towards him, and then two steps backwards. :/ I'm unwillingly careful.
That's because he's just so ... free. I like that about him. He reminds me so much of my sister - they're just people who are naturally free, who were destined to fly and never be caged.
If they were birds, they'd have sparkling, colorful feathers ... while I suspect that if I were a bird, I'd be a dull-colored sparrow who loved her nest more than roaming the skies.
Such is life.
(btw the "feathers" analogy is sorta inspired from a quote from the Shawshank redemption! love that movie.)
