I've been thinking about timing, fate and chance a lot.
A conversation with Veen made me remember a lot of things ...
and in turn, realized how sad I've been, as much as I've been trying to deny it.
I believe that sometimes in life ... you get just one chance with a particular person. A second chance is rare, and almost never happens.
A long time ago, he and I took a late-night drive out to town together. In the car, we talked about many things.
I asked him about his decision to work overseas ... asides from obvious monetary reasons. Why leave? Isn't he happy here?
And he looked at me and said 'I have no reasons to stay here. Nobody to stay for.', his eyes probing into mine.
I wanted to tell him to stay for me. Me.
But I couldn't ...
how could I?
Whether or not it was important to him ... I was young, I was broke, and I was unemployed. Maybe it couldn't matter less to him or the world ... but it mattered to me.
Now I've realized that maybe ... just maybe - that night was it. That night was my "chance".
Now that I'm older, more mature (... a bit), with a business and all that jazz ... I've already missed my chance. I can't turn back time. We're beyond that now.
Stupid, stupid, stupid me.